Official ski season has come to a close, meaning it is now time to put the finely woven designer parka and pants in storage, along with the cutesy-named shaped skis embossed with orange flames. Image is as embroidered into Aspen’s culture as the glittering gold on the parka. Sometimes image matches ability on the slopes, or it may serve primarily for après-ski success, or both. But now that the oh-so-important cell-phone conversations on the mountain to arrange social encounters have dried up, what’s one to do?

One obvious alternative is to get tricked out in Jackson Pollock-inspired lycra for the coast down to the Woody Creek Tavern on the newest carbon fiber bike. Another is displaying ounces of jewelry while walking up Smuggler with several designer dogs in tow, absorbed in iPod-land (the jewelry and music must somehow enhance the experience of walking uphill in the outdoors, I’m just not sure how).

However, there is yet another image-building option: I am now going to present some tips on how to fake a green thumb. Gardening is certainly “in,” with all of the talk about the valley’s finding a way to feed itself, and the wholesome image of greening one’s landscape with beautiful plants. 

To come across as having a knack for and interest in gardening, an important pointer is to know what gets planted when, so you can ask whomever you are chatting with at a cocktail party if she has planted her sweet peas, potatoes, or peppers. To access this conversational material, simply buy some seed packets at City Market and read their planting instructions.

The next critical step is to acquire a hat — we’re talking a brimmed straw hat, preferably one that looks fairly beaten up, like you’ve donned it often and occasionally set a bag of topsoil or a spade on it. You can even wear this hat hiking up Smuggler and potentially gain some onlookers awed at your Whole Earth sensibility.

An additional gardening accent includes a nice pair of rawhide leather gloves placed overtly in the back of the car, so whenever you stop and open the hatch, such as at the grocery store, the gloves stand out like an agreeable community service announcement hinting at your possible participation in a Habitat for Humanity or wetlands restoration project.

Another easy way to show off the green thumb is to stand outside watering your plants as the neighbors drive by. Wear the straw hat and appear to be concentrating deeply as you spritz anything that looks to be growing. Also, at the farmer’s market fruit and vegetable stands, be careful what you ask for. As an example, don’t ask for garlic that won’t sprout — which I did once at a farmer’s market in Boulder.  

One final option to exude a gardening aura is simply to stick your bare hand into the luxurious, cool dirt of a newly tilled garden bed. That’s what recently got me hooked and issued dirt under my fingernails. As a budding greenhorn, I resort to doing a prayer after having dropped tiny, innocent seeds into the wild world of the earth, not sure at all that this gardening thing is going to work. I suppose having confidence in one’s imagined or real gardening skills is the most important quality for cultivating a green thumb. But I’ll still do a little dance, an astounded look on my face, when I see those first flecks of green break through the terra firma.

Kristine Crandall’s column runs in this space every other Friday. E-mail her at birke@sopris.net.