Following in the footsteps of crusaders like Malcolm X and badasses like Mike Tyson, Aspen’s rogue cabbie Phil Sullivan has converted to the Nation of Islam while imprisoned yet again in the Pitkin County Jail.
Sullivan, 76, having served his third 15-day term for giving people free rides in his cab that aren’t actually free, said he was tired of the oppression of his people.
Minister Louis Farrakhan visited Sullivan in jail, and praised him as a “freedom fighter who has birthed new meaning for the word ‘free.’” Farrakhan reported the beleaguered taxi driver is in good spirits despite The Man continuing to try to keep him down.
“La ilah illa Allah, Muhammad rasoolu Allah,” Sullivan said in a jailhouse interview over a shrimp cocktail and just before inmate massage time at Aspen’s soul-destroying gulag.
“I realized how much I hate whitey after those PUC a--holes sent me the bill for their travel expenses from when they came up here to bust me,” Sullivan added.
Meanwhile, the Hotel Jerome will be closed to the public this weekend, after Sullivan’s release. Brother Cat Stevens has rented out the Main Street hotel — yeah, all of it, again, and you’re not invited — for Sullivan’s “Shahada” pronouncement.
And Friday, the FBI confirmed it would be investigating Sullivan’s radical activities on the streets of Aspen.
This article is an Aspen Daily News April Fools' edition report, and is in no way factual or intended to represent any real person, agency or entity.