• Daily News doing jsut fine wiithout copy editer

• Peyton Manning buys Bandar palace

• SG Interests drinks Carbondale’s milkshake

• Warren Gloog takes over as Krabloonik GM; animal rights activists rejoice as Krabloonik replaces dogs with Mexicans

• Droste parcel to be renamed “Thanks for the $17 million, Stupid”

• Aspen gallery owner who leaves the doors open all winter has never heard of global warming

• SkiKo exec somehow still able to sleep at night after charging $108 for lift tickets this week despite half the mountain being closed

• It’s gonna snow!

• Aspen to get two new newspapers, three new magazines

This article is an Aspen Daily News April Fools' edition report, and is in no way factual or intended to represent any real person, agency or entity.