I am so worked up about the Broncos being in the Super Bowl that I can barely function as a member of society. The over-analysis of the game has my head spinning. Sleepless nights, loss of appetite, hair loss, cramps, headaches, gastro-intestinal distress, vomiting. Is it worth it? Totally! Football is so much more than just a game.
Aspen has taken its token couldn’t-care-less attitude towards the Broncos being in the big dance. There are surprisingly few people wearing Broncos gear around town, so in other words it’s business as usual. Kind of odd for a Colorado town that Peyton Manning visited during the bye week with his family. In fact, I’m not even sure that there’s anywhere in this one-horse town to buy Broncos gear.
Where is the mayor of Aspen in all of this? Did you see the Broncos video on YouTube that Telluride did? They get it! One would think that our community leader would jump into the fray and make a bet with another mayor of another ski town in Washington, of which there are plenty, and bet a season pass, or some kind of creative challenge, but no. Why is that?
I know, because our mayor is from Minnesota and he’s a Vikings fan. I’d bet you my right arm he doesn’t even own a single piece of Broncos gear. What’s wrong with that picture? Everything. You know how I can tell you’re a new local? You don’t even own a Broncos hat or T-shirt. I get it though, people are homesick. I’m a successfully rehabilitated former Lakers fan — so anything’s possible. How about less jacking-off and more Broncos love, Aspen? Colorado Gov. John Hickenlooper temporarily renamed all of Aspen’s surrounding 14ers after Denver Bronco’s players this week. The nerve!
Let’s pretend for a minute that you’re living in ancient times, the year 80 AD, and you move to the city of Rome for a new job opportunity in the sex trade. You go to the Coliseum for a relaxing day of entertainment. Who do you root for? The lion? The slave about to get eaten, the local gladiator, or the one from Germania? The closer we get to the Super Bowl, the more I realize I’m in dire need of a sports fan psychologist.
I know surprisingly little about football. I’ve never played and I would be hesitant even to let my kid play. That said, I do identify with being a fan and rooting for the home team. It has a lot to do with state pride. I like where I live. Not to mention, football Sunday is a perfect excuse to binge eat. There’s something calming about burying all of the anxious sports fan energy with piles of bacon chili cheese brats, hot wings and orange soda.
One of the hardest parts of Super Bowl Sunday is creating the menu. If you’re planning on making guacamole for the big game, you’re out of luck. Last time I checked, there wasn’t a ripe avocado within a three-state radius of here. And the other dilemma is where do you watch the game, and with whom?
Do you dare go to a Super Bowl party where you run the risk of being annoyed to the point of assault by people who care less about football and are more interested in the commercials or texting and talking the whole time? If someone like that happened to show up at my Super Bowl party, I’d kindly inform them to pick a window — you’re leaving.
Now, I often find myself isolating during games so that I can concentrate. The commercials drive me crazy to the point where I now have to hit the mute button. I’m looking forward to the Broncos winning the Super Bowl and football season being over so I can get on with my life and enjoy the weekends. If you don’t care for football there’s a great alternative on the Animal Channel called the Puppy Bowl that has to be seen.
Being a football fan has become increasingly stressful over the years. At some point football became an obsession instead of something that I got pleasure from watching with friends. It’s hard to put a finger on when that turning point was. It’s hard now for me to comprehend that the football players I respect are younger than me. I can barely wrap my head around the fact that I’m older and have more life experience than Peyton Manning and his teammates.
I’ve invested a lot of time and emotion into this football season, maybe even too much. There’s a lot of stress and anxiety associated with following the Denver Broncos through the playoffs and now into the Super Bowl. I really can’t wait for Sunday. Let’s do this thing. Go Broncos!
To reach Lorenzo, email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.