Amazing that we may have a soon-to-be vice president elected on “do-ability.” Obviously Republicans are breathing a huge sigh of relief. The ticket is finally full of snappy business skirts, gleaming glasses, shapely legs and tight blouses. She’s a former Miss Alaska! She skins bears, for chrisssakes! She’s friggin’ perfect for at least half of the people in this great country, especially the ones clinging to guns and religion. John McCain was serviceable but in no way “do-able,” so Sarah Palin is just the ticket for the Republican ticket.
Oh, and she’s smart. And witty, but ultimately it’s her “do-ability” that most people talk about.
“I’m Jonny Baker for Fox News. Today, vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin pretended she knew what the Bush doctrine was in an interview on MSNBC.”
Other announcer: “Yeah, but look at those gams! Back to you in the studio.”
How pretty is she? Well, in a poll of 1,000 insanely bored people, 86 percent said Palin was prettier than Hillary Clinton. You do the numbers. The results are not pretty for Hillary. Maybe one day they’ll get around to who might make a better president and why but for now we are measuring the pretty scale.
Are you one of those people who are suckered into thinking that people who wear glasses are smarter than those who don’t? I am. I mean, look at Sarah Palin. She looks like she knows every single nook and cranny of the library. Obama should get glasses.
Palin has some sleek glasses, though. Those puppies are designed by Kazuo Kawasaki from his 704 series. They cost between $400 and $750. Hey! Kawasaki doesn’t sound very friggin’ American! Who cares, she looks hot in them.
But Palin has more than good bones and a stunning figure. She’s a hockey mom who will kick your ass if you don’t like it. She has a 5-month-old infant that will have special needs due to Down syndrome. But the child will have to be hustled off to handlers while she’s being president. But that’s a selling point. She can kick butt on Putin while putting in a full day of raising the little ones.
When she’s done being president she can run for pope. She already knows lots about God. It makes it a whole lot easier to drill here and drill now when you know that God threw our little Earth together in seven days. We should teach that in the schools, then we’d all be on the same drill here, drill now page.
I don’t care that Palin didn’t know the Bush doctrine from Doctor Seuss. But, like a typical politician, she pretended she knew what it is. That’s why it’s easier to focus on her legs. It’s nice that the interviewers are being nice. What if someone asked her what appeasement meant or asked her to name three living Iraqis? She’d get mad! But she’d be wearing the glasses, so she’d look smart.
But you know what? I’ll bet she’s even cuter when she’s mad. As long as she’s not mad at me. But, we as Americans have a lot to be mad about. And she does self-righteous, indignant, pretty and poised as well as anyone. It’s like Rush Limbaugh had a brain transplant. We get all the brain power, sarcasm and divisive rhetoric and ridicule of Rush in a patriotic red skirt with a pair of Kawasaki, fashion-forward glasses.
As voters we get what we deserve. We learned that when Bush got re-elected. Now I can see that most Americans agree that we deserve a hottie for president, not another entrenched wrinkled up white guy.
What am I talking about? This race is between Palin and Biden now. Just like McCain says, the vice president needs to be ready to be president from day one. And we can all see that Biden is a wrinkled up old Washington regular. Not do-able at all. Certainly not a change.
And Palin? She’d be a change of scenery. She can juggle the special needs family, the new glasses and the button at the same time. What could possibly go wrong?
Steve Skinner likes the idea of a woman with her finger on the button … as long as her nails are trimmed. Reach him at nigel@sopris.net.
