The city of Aspen has chosen its favorite poems, limericks and haikus for its first-ever “Dog Poo Poetry Competition.”
The competition was held in response to Aspen’s number-one summer complaint: Dog poo in parks, open space and on city sidewalks. According to a press release, the city wanted to emphasize the importance of picking up after pets “in a fun and creative way,” and received “tons of poetry submissions, with some from as far away as Seattle.”
All entries are posted on www.aspenrecreation.com (go to Parks Department News under Parks, Trails and Open Space). Winners will receive gift certificates to local retailers of their choice.
Following is a selection of Aspen’s best poo poetry:
The winning submission, a limerick by Mark Thomas
A Poodle-Park Pooper named Faucet
Drew a firm line, and refused to cross it.
“Can’t you see, man? I’m squattin’,
And I know it smells rotten,
But it’s your job to bag it and toss it.”
Second place, a short poem by Joan Kover
Hey, this is right up my alley!
I’m sick and tired of all the dog poop all over the valley.
Came home from school expecting a hug
Yelled at instead for stinky poop on rug!
My mom made me clean it up
Wish owners would clean up after their pups.
Now when I go to the park each day
I check out the grass before I play.
Third place, a “poop epic” by Hilary Rymal
Aspen, Colorado, is a beautiful place,
You know all your neighbors and everyone’s face.
You can ski in the winter and raft in the sun,
Dancing at Chelsea’s is always good fun
There is one thing, though, that is quite absurd —
You’ll be strolling along and step on a turd!
Someone’s dog has crapped in the street
And now, lucky you, it’s all over your feet
You would much rather see two dogs hump,
But no, you’re the winner who steps in their dump.
Their owners are punks who can’t even bend over
To pick up the waste from their own dog, Rover.
You’ll be in Wagner Park and you’ll spot some poo,
But it’s one step too late for your new Jimmy Choo.
You decide to go home to just take a nap,
But on your way there, you run in to more crap
You sprint to your car, dodging a hot steamer —
If you had slipped on that one, you’d have busted
your femur!
You’re frantic to get home without spotting
another pile,
Unfortunately, you can’t even make it one mile.
You finally get home and walk up your stoop,
And, lo and behold, what do you find? More poop!
You’re guilty, too, of not cleaning up
After your dog, he’s only a pup
Let’s all do our part to pick up the poo
To keep it in the trash, and off of our shoes!
The winning haiku, by Malcolm McMichael
Failing to scoop poop
Pretending you don’t notice
You know who you are
Second place haiku, from Keegan and Hailey Swirbul’s black Lab’s perspective
Frozen poop-sicles,
Crunchy, tasty, winter treat.
Leave it! Can’t be beat.
Best limerick, by Isabella Courtenay-Morris
There once was a dog named “Daisy”
Whose owner was extremely lazy
When “Daisy” would poop
They refused to scoop
Aspen’s poop problem is gettin’ too crazy!!
Second place limerick, by Ethel Gofen
There once was a preacher named Chuck
Who stepped in dog poop and got stuck.
It clung to his shoe
Just like super-glue
And all he could say was, “Good Lord.”
