Asspen Art Museum announces invisible building, exhibits

by Crack is Wack, Aspen Daily News Staff Writer

The Asspen Art Museum announced a ground-breaking concept for its new downtown space: An invisible building, filled with invisible exhibits.

“We really want the user to create the experience,” said Hagoon-Brown-Lestrom-Felan-Larmstrong-De Mole-Golden-Olson-Schmidt-Boren-Loren-Koren CEO and Director Sleidi Zuckerberg. “By putting nothing in this new space, in our invisible building, it gives the audience a chance to interact with the new museum on their own terms. Something to look at would cloud their thinking and stifle their creativity.”

The nonprofit’s new 33,000-square-foot facility is set to open in the fall on the corner of Hymen and Spring. Thankfully, developers tore down the Wienerstube a good eight months before construction actually began. The initial design looked like a giant birdcage, causing the board to change course and plan a building that is completely invisible and has no actual mass.

The space’s premier exhibit will be titled You Don’t Get It?, which will showcase complete nothingness inside a building made up of invisible particles. (For a rendering, check out the bottom of page 23).

“We’re so excited with this debut exhibit, as it’s really in line with our mission and what we do,” she said. “Most people don’t understand our shows anyway, and we expect that to be totally the case with this one.”

Visitors will walk into an empty space and have the opportunity to lie on their backs and stare at the void. Docents will actually force them to remain there for 30 to 40 minutes so that they can truly experience the “weight of the exhibit,” says Zuckerberg.

“People really won’t get it at first,” she said. “So if we make them stay there long enough, eventually they’ll feel stupid enough that it actually makes sense — you know how that happens?”

The art museum has done this a lot with their exhibits. Super random stuff gets put on the walls, and people say they understand it because they are supposed to.

Besides meeting the mission, the other reason for opening an invisible new museum with nothing in it is because Zuckerberg spent all of the budget on herself. As one of the highest-paid art museum CEOs in the country, she felt she deserved a luxurious vacation and treated herself to three weeks touring the art scene in Dubai. Upon her return, she announced her candidacy for mayor.

“Yeah, my staff had to stay here in Asspen building the museum — and I mean they literally were pounding nails and laying cement at the new site for like $8 an hour — while I scoped out some new stuff in the Middle East,” she says.

You Don’t Get It will also included a self-guided audio tour. White noise like buzzing bees, running lawnmowers and coin dispensing will fill the audio track to enhance museum-goer’s experiences.

This article is an Aspen Daily News April Fools’ edition report, and is in no way factual or intended to represent any real person, agency or entity.