Send It

Ski towns are fragile ecosystems under normal circumstances. Local life-forms are continuously endangered by a seasonal influx of hundreds of thousands of foreign organisms they also rely on for survival. The situation is even more fraught during a viral pandemic, when visitors not only threaten locals' way of life with longer lift lines and poor ski-carrying techniques, they also potentially carry a silent killer reminiscent of the monkey from Outbreak.

Locals and visitors alike must learn a new dance this year as the Coronavirus pandemic throws our symbiotic, yet stressful, relationship into disarray. Please consider these behavior-modification suggestions this winter—they just may be the key to a successful season.

Follow these tips, and you’re guaranteed a safe and successful season!

*Disclaimer: None of the following is scientifically proven or based on fact. Follow at your own risk. Or ignore. Whatever.

DO: Send it! Now, I know what you’re thinking: “The Coronavirus is airborne.”

I get that, but if you commit to a full send you can definitely clear it.

DON'T: Turn. If you straightline each run, you will be faster than the pesky virus particles. It’s science.

DO: Earn your turns by skinning before the lifts start spinning to avoid crowds. Buttermilk, Snowmass and Aspen Highlands all offer uphilling access during operating hours. If you want to charge Aspen Mountain, you’ll need to go early.

DON'T: Feel like a social media post is required every time you uphill. We get it: You are fit and responsible.

DO: Make dining reservations at restaurants in town well in advance and show up on time.

DON'T: Show up without a reservation and hover awkwardly around other people dining, asking, “Are you going to finish that?” Hovering is awkward in the best of times.

DO: Enjoy a stroll around Downtown for some of the finest people-watching on earth.

DON'T:  Pull your mask down while talking. Sound travels through masks. We can hear you.

DO: Wear a fur mask if you are wearing a fur coat and/or fur boots. It’s mandatory.

DO: Treat yourself to a nice hot soak after your ski day.

DON'T:  Soak with other people.

DO:  Download the Aspen Snowmass app so you can easily order food for pick-up.

DON'T: Attempt to place your order for pad Thai from the wok station while skiing downhill.

DO: Enjoy truffle fries at Ajax Tavern—there’s never been a better excuse to get your own order. In fact, sharing is now the opposite of caring.

DO: Dance on the bar at Campo. The air is fresh up there.

DON'T: Make out with randoms at Campo, no matter what ski film they claim they were in this year.