With less than three eternal weeks left until this long, international nightmare is finally only about three to 51 months from maybe being over, it means that I have just two columns left to have fireside chats with the readers of the ADN. But let’s be honest, most of you have probably already voted. It took me approximately an hour between pulling my ballot out of the mailbox and dropping it off at the election drop box.

As you may recall, I am a bigly recipient of Lauren Boebert’s antics largesse. She provides me with all sorts of column fodder; however, this week, we’ll take a look at an editorial endorsement from The Denver Gazette, Denver’s equivalent of the New York Post.

Right out of the gate, they state what a shockingly low opinion they have for the Republican Party: “If Lauren Boebert lands a job in Congress Nov. 3, she will improve the brand of the Republican Party.” This is much like saying, “If Jared Fogle lands a job as a television commercial actor, he will improve the brand of Subway.”

They then state that one of her qualities is her “movie-star looks.” Judging from the mug shots from her numerous arrests, I’d say that yes, this may be true — Nick Nolte was indeed a movie star. On technical grounds, I will concede that point. How that makes her a better representative for CO-3 is only known by Christopher, Rich, Vince, Jim and Chuck at the Denver Gazette.

They continue that “she exudes passion for freedom, capitalism and the United States[...]” Yes, she does indeed invest a lot of time on giving the impression that she is exuding something. However, they left out the hypocrisy, which flows unbridled from her Twitter account.

She says she’s all about “freedom” — except when she’s railing against the freedom of others to make choices for themselves. She says she loves capitalism and will fight for free markets — except for when she insists that the oil and gas industry not be left to capitalism and free markets and instead let them continue to be propped up by government welfare. And oh, boy, does she love the Constitution — but only the parts she agrees with, particularly just one of the amendments to the Constitution. But when it comes to amending the Constitution, she is firmly against that.

In its “endorsement,” the paper makes this statement: “Women can start with nothing, and have big families, provide for them and defend them.” It seems out of place in a piece about Lauren Boebert. Are they talking about the same Lauren Boebert who has had numerous tax liens, a foreclosure on her home, and whose family is living off of welfare money from her husband’s oil industry job? And is it the Denver Gazette’s stance that women not finishing high school because they became pregnant as a teenager is something they support? Sure, women “can” do that, but that seems like it may place a burden on the rest of us, something I was unaware that the Republican party stood for.

The Denver Gazette mentions that Boebert became a routine guest on cable news. This is not in dispute. Here’s a choice line from one of her arrest reports, in which she had an altercation with a police officer over the “rights” of underage people to break the law and encouraged the offenders to resist arrest and run away: “I have friends at Fox News.”

The editorial also makes this statement, gleaned from an interview they conducted with her. “Boebert’s belief in capitalism, freedom and the old-fashioned American way developed after a childhood of poverty, welfare and all assortment of government assistance.”

Yes, that is indeed the story she tells people — when she lets them have a chance. Boebert refuses to participate in debates and demands that questions be submitted in advance for most interviews. In any case, perhaps the Denver Gazette wasn’t aware of the research that some combat veterans in Pueblo have done to verify her story. They have turned up evidence that Lauren’s story is full of holes. The group, Rural Colorado United, sums its research up thusly: “Nothing about Lauren’s story is true. She is not who she says she is. She has had multiple failed businesses, doesn’t pay her taxes, breaks the law frequently and will do or say anything to get in the spotlight. She has told countless lies on the campaign trail [...]”

And then, of course, there’s socialism. It’s always about socialism with Boebert. According to Denver Gazette, “Boebert abhors socialism.” If that is true, then let’s list a few things Boebert must also abhor, as any special tax district is socialism. Fire protection districts? Boebert must detest them. Water treatment and sanitation districts? Boebert must loathe them. School districts? Boebert must despise them. Ambulances? An abomination, surely. Roads and highways? Each and every one, she must recoil from as if they were the oil and gas industry’s welfare-derived checks to her family that she cashes every month.

One thing the Denver Gazette left out was Lauren’s stance on democracy. Perhaps, given the newspaper’s editorial position, there is a realization that Boebert’s insistence that all votes should not be equal — and that “one person, one vote” is anathema to her party’s desire to try to wield power beyond representation — may be a step too far for their readers. Also, her fascist-adjacent and racist rhetoric. They leave that out, too.

But they hold their readers in low regard already, remember. They think Lauren would improve the Republican brand. So the bar must be set awfully low. And they’re not wrong.

Wendle would like to point out that a family involved with the Pitkin County Republicans, who hosted a fundraiser for Lauren, live in socialist housing. boebert4socialism@wendlewhiting.org